Dear Elder Vic

Hello, Elder.  I love reading your letters.  You're so descriptive, it's almost like having a conversation with you.  Keep them coming.  And I'll try to do better at writing to you.

You can tell Elder Speakman I babysat him a few times.  He was probably the baby, cause I was 14 or 15, I think.  Small world.

A week ago, Mike had Spring Break.  I loved having him home.  We spent the first few days of the break focusing on toilet training Elaine.  Not exactly my idea of a vacation, but it had to be done, and Mike doesn't get another break until the end of May.  We finally got out of the house on Thursday and went to the park.  It was so nice to relax a bit in the sun.  The older girls threw sticks into the stream and fed the ducks.  We also saw about 20 turtles sunning themselves on the opposite shore.  They all slid into the water, though, as I tried to get a little closer to take a picture.  Pretty cool.

On Friday of Spring Break, we drove up to the zoo in Wichita and met Marian and her kids.  She's big prego, with little Victor due any day.  We went to their house afterwards for dinner.  Fun to see them, although it's never easy to do things like that with Mariah.

This past week was back to the grind.  Mike had some long days at school.  He really tries to be home for dinner and bed time, but sometimes only makes it for bed time.  Elaine has started asking, "Does Dad have to stay late today?"  They do much better when he's home.

Mariah has been really bossy, rude, and somewhat defiant lately.  We had a skype session with Mr. Max on Friday, and he suggested we have Elaine fall asleep in our room and then move her to the bunk bed later.  He thinks Mariah's free reign of Elaine at night was too much and was making her more sick--carrying over into the day time.  We've done that for 3 nights now, and it does seem to be helping a little.

My latest miracle on the Mariah front is her angel primary teacher.  I was so worried about taking her back to church, but both Mike and I felt strongly it was time.  I was relieved to find out she had a new CTR 4 teacher.  The previous teacher was wonderful and a good teacher, but there was kind of a language barrier (Espanol), and she was a little too much like a grandma to the kids (too nice).  Her new teacher, Lacy Elmo, is incredible.  I knew right off she'd understand the situation and be able to treat Mariah in a way that wouldn't do more damage.  Just that took so much stress away.  But then Lacy told me she's actually worked as a victim advocate in the court system, working with 2 boys who had RAD.  Amazing.  Nobody here (or anywhere, really) has even heard of RAD, let alone has experience with it.  She told me she wants to learn more and wants to be a respite provider for me.  I really cannot believe it.  She has come over twice on Friday nights to give me and Mike a date, while she watches training videos on how to do respite for a RAD mom.  I met with her a couple nights ago to go over final details to have Mariah at her house for a few hours.  Literature says a RAD mom needs 1 day a week and 1 weekend a month away from the child, minimum, in order to cope with the emotional and physical demands, and in order to be able to give the RAD kid what she needs to heal.  (I've gone almost a year with only a couple days right after Sal was born.)  Lacy is planning on giving me that time.  We'll start this week, with a few hours, and do once a week for the next 4 weeks, and then try an over night.  Respite will change all of our lives.  I will get a break, which will recharge my spirit enough to handle Mariah with more patience; Elaine and Sal will get a break from the constant chatter/bossing/hyperness of Mariah, and they'll get some much needed attention from me.  And respite will actually help Mariah heal because I will not be so drained.  Respite providers are also trained to have it be kind of like therapy for the time the child is there, so that will also help her heal.  I can't wait!  My first plan is to get my bike tuned up and go for a ride.  I really think that will free my spirit a bit.

Elaine is growing up fast, but at the same time is clinging to her babyness.  With the whole potty training thing, she's really gone through a relapse of baby jealousy.  She asks for her pacifier and has even asked to nurse.  (She hasn't actually wanted to when I've said "ok.")  She wants to be doing whatever Mariah is doing.  She strong sits when Mariah does; she begs, "Can I play with Riah if there are no problems?" or "Can I play with Riah as long as we're good friends?"  She raises her hand during meal times when she wants to say something: "Can I ask a question?"  (That's what M is supposed to do.)  One of my favorite Laney lines is, "It's an idea . . . ."  She says this when she asks to do something and I have either said no, or she thinks I'm going to say no.  She tries to tell me it's a great idea.

Sally is a stink.  She thinks she's one of the big girls, and refuses (throws tantrums) to nurse if the girls are playing.  Then an hour later, she comes whining to me and acts like I'm starving her.  She's my most emotional for sure.  She gets her feelings hurt.  Yesterday, for example, I came home from grocery shopping, and she immediately started crying when I walked in the door.  I picked her up, and she was making all sorts of sad faces at me and whining.  I thought she was complaining about my being gone, so I laughed a little at her for being such a whiner when Mike was here the whole time.  Well, she burst into tears and didn't recover for 10 minutes, even while nursing.  Mike explained that she had gotten her fingers smashed just before I got home, so I think she was trying to tell me about it, and then I laughed at her.  It broke her little heart that I would laugh at her sad story.  She's growing up fast.  She stands for a few seconds here and there and will walk pushing our little shopping cart.  She lives to go outside.  She also loves to laugh and fake laughs all the time.  She provokes the girls into being silly and then does this very funny shrieking fake laugh.  She's eating a little bit more.  Her favorite foods are avocados, broccoli, bananas, and raisins.

Well, that's all the news I can think of right now.  Keep working hard.  I love you and pray for you always.  Love, Bekah

A Day in the Life . . . .

No special event.  These are just some pictures I've taken over the last week or so:

The many faces of Elaine:  This was one of the rare opportunities I have to spend some time with Elaine by herself.  Both the other girls were still napping.

Sal joined us after a few minutes.  I loved spending some time with Elaine and Sally without having to worry about Mariah.  (I love Mariah just as much as my other girls, but they and I need time without her around to recharge.)

A few days ago, I sent the older 2 girls outside so I could fix dinner.  Sally stood at the door and demanded to go out as well.  I put her in the swing, where I could see her from the kitchen, and told Mariah and Elaine not to push her.  She was content to watch them play, and I thought it was a great solution for everyone.  Not so.  A few minutes later, I heard hyper (fake) laughter from both Mariah and Elaine.  I looked out and, at first, couldn't see anything amiss.  But then I saw both girls bring handfuls of dirt and throw them onto a very bewildered Sally.  So much for that plan.

Mariah was again taking a nap (She's actually falling asleep more often in her naps lately.  A blessing.), and Laney helped me make tortillas.  She was quite pleased with herself.

So pleased, in fact, that she decided (when I left the room for a minute) to take some self portraits (and a very nice photo of my pantry):

I was nursing Sally, so I sent Elaine outside to draw with chalk.  I told her to sit right in that square, where I could see her from the rocking chair.

When I nurse Sal, I often have to put Mariah in her room.  She's been very flighty about boundaries lately.  Here she is making a bead necklace:

And here's Sally, wanting to make a necklace too:

Sally LOVES to be outside.  Anytime the door is open (with just the storm door closed), she stands at the door and bangs and bangs.  Mariah was sweeping the front porch, and Sal watched the whole time, willing herself outside.

Mike took these pictures during bath time:

Spring Break

Last week Mike had Spring Break. I (and the girls) loved having him home!

We spent the first 3 days focusing primarily on this child.

She was trained the first day (only had one accident), went on strike the 2nd day (0 successes), and gave in the 3rd day.  She is now, however, using her new-found power to get the attention from me she (neglected middle child, sandwiched between 2 incredibly needy and time-consuming sisters) so desperately needs.  Lets just say she picks very opportune moments to have accidents.  I'm hoping this will eventually start bugging her more than it bugs me (I try really hard to not act bugged), and she'll give up the practice.

On Thursday, we enjoyed a picnic in the park.  I loved getting out in the sun and being able to relax a bit with Mike around.

The girls had fun exploring and feeding the ducks.  We also saw about 20 turtles sunning themselves.  They quickly slipped into the water before I could take a picture.

On Friday, we drove up to Wichita and met my sister, Marian, and her kids at the zoo. It was a bit chilly at first, but we still had a great relaxed time.

Marian, Elsa, Alice, Elaine.  Marian is 38 weeks pregnant with number four!

Mariah, Weston, Alice, Elsa, Elaine

Elaine and Alice are 6 months apart.  They had a blast!

All the kids were climbing on the statues.  I looked over, and Laney had found one just her size!

We headed to Marian's for the afternoon and evening.